Where is your home?

So the following has happened to me time and time again: I think about writing about something, I start typing on that subject and then give up... Give up; because I know there are many people out there, who have felt exactly the same way at some point and have written about it with better words than I have. So I simply give up, pour a glass of red wine and listen to a song... and feel...

Today is not one of those days. Today I won't give up, I won't stop. And today it is OK that someone else has already written what I mean to say. Today it's not about you, it's about me.

As I was reading a blog today about various things that inevitably happen to those people who live abroad, once again, I felt homesick. Actually, one of the items in the blog indeed was about being homesick. And similar to the many times that this happened before, I was simply struck by the small word "home" within the word "homesick". Because you see, the direct translation of the word "home" in my own language (Turkish) does not include all the meanings that a simple word like "home" includes in English. Four letters and it is said with a single breath, yet it includes all other meanings such as "where you belong", "where your heart is", "where you miss the most"... "Home" and "house" have different meanings in English, yet in my own language, it's pretty much the same. That's why I don't get sentimental when I use the word "home" in its context in Turkish, yet sometimes this simple four-letter English version is more than enough to bring tears into my eyes. But why?

Why?

Have a look at the following questions:

- Where do you live
- Where is your house/appartment?
- Where is your home?

Out of these three questions, the third one strikes me, each and every time.

Yes, where is your home?

Sometimes I feel like answering this question with:

- I don't know anymore.

Because I live now for more than 5 years in a different country. But then comes the follow up question:

- Anymore? Have you ever known where your home is?

"YES!!!!" screams the little girl somewhere in me... "Yes, of course I have known!!"

At that point, I usually want to quit the discussion with myself because I already know it's not going to end up good... Because what I try to avoid is this answer:

- I don't know where my home is. I have never known it.

And that answer as true as it is, it sucks. It sucks because it gives this message that I don't belong to anywhere. But I do want to belong to somewhere. I want to have that place that I can attach completely and unconditionally. I want to have that place of complete security, safety and rigidity. "Do I belong here?" is a question I wouldn't ask there. There isn't a word for "minority" there.

Where is my home?

I guess I have to admit that I don't know the answer. That I have really never known where that is. Or that I simply don't have a home.

And then I wonder, could I maybe convince myself that my home is my childhood? Although it's not a place, it satisfies all the criteria that I have for "home" that I described above. That sounds nice for a moment, but the second I type it with actual letters and words, I know it's no good. Because you see, in that case, my childhood is my home that I can never go back to...

You know, maybe it's just better to pour a glass of red wine and listen to some music...


   

Never say never?

Hi reader! How are you? I hope everything is fine with you. Since I do not intend to share this blog with anyone (at least for now) chances that you will accidentally hit to this webpage is pretty low. That's why I think we can be pretty friendly with each other!

The other day I found myself thinking about how I should avoid to start (or end) a sentence with "Never ever..." The main reason is that I almost "hate" those people who frequently say they would never-ever do something and in a week or two you witness that they actually did it! I understand that changing your opinion is very humane and often circumstances change. But don't you really come to a realization at some point in your life that you should actually be more careful using the "never-ever" phrase? I know some people who use this particular phrase once before breakfast and once after dinner everyday! As an example, my lovely cousin (now I feel a little bad that I used the "hate" word for defining those people as I come to love my cousin) had once showed the hair-color of a random girl on the street and said "Oh my God! Look how awful that color looks! I would never-ever have that hair-color on me!" As you might be guessing by now, it took only two weeks for my cousin to get that same hair-color. And when I confronted her about what she said earlier, she simply shrugged and said "well, yes, I am like that, you know... I change my mind..." Now, what I wanted to tell her that, people can change their minds pretty frequently and that is fine. But isn't it a bit too much to say "never-ever" in a situation like this? I can visualize her shrugging her shoulders to that also, as I know she doesn't care and she just uses it randomly. But that is just a small example. You probably also come across with it pretty often. Everybody is of course free in developing their everyday vocabulary, but what I find is that, if you use this phrase too often as it is the case with my cousin, you end up being surrounded by people who actually doesn't believe you anymore when you make such a big statement. You will probably get used to hearing "Yeaaaah, yeahhh..." all the time and then I wonder if you have the right of being angry towards those people who don't take you seriously. Personally I think that you have wasted your chances of being taken seriously and with respect.

I believe that one of the most important things in building relationships of trust goes around being consistent in things you say and do. And I have more to say on that!

In a nutshell, I never say never (!).

Have a very nice day! 

Vanill made a blog someday in May 2008. She never posted anything. She even forgot about the blog and created a new one. One day in April 2012, she received an e-mail about this old blog. When she clicked on the link in the e-mail, she came across with this blog with the funny title:

"the orange and Vanill did never like each other"

As hard as she tried, she couldn't remember creating a blog with such a title. Why on earth would she choose this title anyway? Well, it was true she didn't like the orange color. It didn't fit her complexion well and so she didn't have any outfits in that color. Oh, and also she didn't like the fruit itself. Something about it's smell made her annoyed. Finally she quit thinking about why she chose that specific title. Once she did that, she finally started to see the irony. She was now living in the Netherlands for about 4 years surrounded by the orange color. Add to that the fact that she's now happily drinking fresh orange juice every weekend. So finally, it looks like:

"the orange and Vanill finally liked each other"

I don't know right now what this blog will be about, but it will be about something. Hmm, maybe about the ironies in life. Maybe about those big words we say everyday how we won't ever do something, we won't ever go somewhere and we would never be with a person like that... And about the story how we end up doing those each and every time.